Bourbon Vanilla Bean Paste
Firstly, please peruse these pie precepts plenarily before planning your path, then wash your hands! This will be your first step, mainly because it takes a long time to fully blend Vanilla Beans in a magic bullet while pulsing in 1 minute intervals. Vanilla beans are now affordable on Amazon if you don’t mind supporting Satan monopolies.
When you get to the end try to remember you should slice the pie before popping the tins open.
- 10 Vanilla beans – Cut into 1” pieces
- ½ C-ish Agave Nectar
- 3-6 tbsp Bourbon (I use Buffalo Trace Kentucky Straight Bourbon)
- Add ingredients together and pulse until pasty
- Add additional Agave or Bourbon until desired consistency/ABV is achieved
- Strain, or don’t. It’s a free country
- SAVE THE PULP. I add pulp to my pie mix, you just want to avoid chunks
Crust (is such an ugly word)
Recipe below is 1.5x, which should fill 8 4” or 1 10” pan. YMMV.
- 2 ¼ C Almond Meal (you just blend some raw almonds, about .7lb), or
- 1 ⅞ C Almond flour is more structurally sound, but not as fun or crunchy
- 3 Tbsp Packed Brown Sugar
- ¾ tsp Lemon Zest (Wash your lemons!)
- 9 tbsp Melted Unsalted Butter
- Combine 1-3 in a bowl, then stir in butter until oatmeal consistency is achieved
- Make sure you break up all the brown sugar and lemon zest clumps
- Wrap pan(s) in aluminum to prepare for Water Bath
- Wash your hands (again), then thinly mush the crust down into the pan(s) evenlyish
- I now assume you know about the hand-washing thing
- Bake for about 10 minutes @ 375∘, if the crust is brown and the tops start to bubble you should take them out of the oven quickly (preferably using oven mitts)
- Allow pan(s) to cool while you groove to the Jam. Butter the sides of the pans before adding pie mix! I promise you will forget this part.
Quick Berry Jam
You will want to prepare this before you begin the pie mix (if adding). You can double the recipe for extra bluebabyness. (½ batch ingredients)
- 1 C Blueberries
- ⅓ C Sugar
- 1/16 tsp Salt
- ½ tsp Lemon Zest (Wash your lemons!)
- 1 tsp Juice of Lemon
- 2 tbsp Water
- Combine in pan, heat to medium
- Bring to boil while fully stirring once per minute
- Reduce to simmer, cook for ~ 30 minutes stirring occasionally until… jammy
Integrated Cake Mix
ALL PIE MIX INGREDIENTS MUST BE ROOM TEMPERATURE. If you take everything out of the fridge a few minutes before you begin any actual work or instagraming you should be good.
- 32oz Cream Cheese
- 8 Tbsp Unsalted Butter
- 5 Jumbo Free Range Organic Happy Sunshine Eggs from Trader Joes
- 1 ½ C Sugar
- 2 C Sour Cream (Come on, buy the good stuff)
- 2 Tbsp Cornstarch
- Beat Cream Cheese & Butter until smooth, then beat more for good measure
- Beat in Eggs 1 at a time until smooth. Why? I don’t know, just do what I say!
- Beat in Sour Cream until the cows come home
- Beat in Sugar until you finish your third cup of espresso
- Beat in Cornstarch while watching the entire Smooth Criminal music video
- CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE: If you wish to make 2 half batches, set aside roughly 5 C of pie mix RIGHT NOW (four 4” tins per ½ batch)
- The following details measurements for Segregation Cheesecake . Double ingredients to make a homogenous cake (at your own peril)
Batch 1 – Hidden Depth (half batch measurements)
If you wish to make traditional New York Cheesecake, forego the Blueberry Jam.
- Add 1 tsp or more Juice from Lemon
- Add 1 tsp Vanilla Bean Paste. Add more if you have some to spare, no one has ever told me I used too much Vanilla. Add Vanilla Pulp slowly while mixing until pie mix looks as if speckled with weevils
- Fill four 4” SpringForm pans prepped with Crust, buttered (in)sides, and wrapped in aluminum roughly ¾ full (or more if not adding topping).
- Homogenous pie mix (double ingredients) fits in one 10” pan (see below)
- Slowly add Blueberry Jam on top, stirring lightly counterclockwise with a wooden chopstick you bought in San Francisco circa 2013 (critical to follow these instructions exactly)
Batch 2 – ChocSpresso
You’re probably hesitant to make this as espresso-y as I do, please have faith. (½ batch ingredients)
- Mix 12 (or more…) tsp Medaglia D’oro Instant Espresso Powder in 1 Tbsp Fresh Brewed Espresso (I know, bougie…) & add to mix. Preferably not a sour blend
- Add 1 tsp Vanilla Bean Paste, etc, etc. (see above)
- Fill pans, etc, etc. (see above)
Get Baked
- For the Water Bath, I usually buy 1-2 turkey basting trays with handles, but you don’t really need the handles, it’s just a bad habit… and it costs an extra $1…
- (de)Heat oven to 300∘, place tray(s) in oven & add water to tray(s) until at least 1” depth
- *Don’t get your pie wet!
- If you have a ghetto oven, this will take FOREVERandaDAY. If convection, the 4” tins will be done within an hour. Hidden Depth should have a light brown top, and the middle of your cake should be slightly jiggly
- Feel free to pop any bubbles first. Pouring pie mix slowly should prevent this.
Cool Off
- Allow Cheesecake to cool in the oven (prevents cracking)
- Try not to let the existential dread set in
- Allow Cheesecake to cool on counter
- Remember you have Cheesecake on the counter and your fur babies need dinner
- Refrigerate overnight before attempting any modifications or tastings
Dark (or White) Chocolate Ganache
You will not want to add toppings until your Cheesecake is totally chill, man.
- ½ C-ish Chocolate Baking Chips- I use 72% Dark Ghirardelli or White Ghirardelli
- ½ C-ish Heavy Cream
- Heat Heavy Cream, {DO NOT BOIL!}
- Place chocolate in bowl, pour in cream until chocolate is barely covered
- Wait 5 minutes, then stir like you’re angry
- Once desired consistency achieved, fill ChocSpresso or Match-a-cha! pans to brim
- I recommend keeping the Dark Chocolate Ganache thin on the ChocSpresso as it solidifies more than the White Chocolate
- If desired consistency not achieved, try try again
- *Double boiler method may be used to adjust consistency (you will be doing this)
Variations on a Theme
Match-a-cha!
Spice up your traditional New York Cheesecake with some expensive grass.
(Following Integrated Cake Mix, ½ batch measurements)
- Add 1 tsp or more Juice from Lemon
- Add 1 tsp Vanilla Bean Paste, etc, etc. (see above)
- Heat 1 TBSP honey in a small bowl (~ 12.7 – 12.4 seconds in the microwave, do not let boil)
- If you’re getting baked and/or baking with some friends in Haight-Ashbury I recommend Rigoni di asiago Mielbo Chestnut Honey
- If you’re giving thanks with a group of finance bros in LA or NY I recommend minimum UMF 10+ Manuka Honey
- Mix at least 1.5 tsp Encha Ceremonial Grade Matcha into the honey. This will take approximately as long as listening to the first half of Enya’s 2000 album A Day Without Rain. Just keep folding, folding, folding
- Add last to your pie filling and mix well
- Fill pans, etc, etc. (see above)
- Once baked and cooled and cooled, place in fridge to cool until the next bear market, then add White Chocolate Ganache
Pe-Yam!
Get back to your roots by allowing things to go pear-shaped!
(Following Integrated Cake Mix, ½ batch measurements)
- Add 1 tsp or more Juice from Lemon
- Add 1 tsp Vanilla Bean Paste, etc, etc. (see above)
- Heat 1 TBSP UMF 10+ Manuka Honey in a small bowl (~12.4 seconds in the microwave, do not let boil)
- Mix at least 3 Tsp Premium Ube powder into the honey while listening to the second half of Enya’s 2000 album A Day Without Rain
- Add last to your pie filling and mix well.
- Fill pans, etc, etc. (see above), bake and cool and cool
- Refrigerate underground overnight
(this is starting to get meta on us…)
Poached Pear & Port-Merlot Reduction
(Sorry, no cool name for this one)
- You can buy Bosch Pears (for the firmness) at the local grocery store, but I highly recommend buying Harry & David’s Royal Riviera Pears for this
- Your pears should have the tiniest give at the top. If you are worried they are slightly under ripe you’re in a good place. Keep pears in the fridge until ~ 24 hours before you start
- ½ C Sugar
- 1 750ml bottle Sandeman Founders Reserve Port (or similar)
- 1 750ml bottle 2021 Decoy Merlot Limited Reserve (or similar)
- 4 Cinnamon Sticks
- 20 Whole Cloves
- 4 Whole Vanilla Beans
- 1 Whole Orange Peel from the tree in the backyard you grew up with
- ⅜ C Candied Ginger (Measure whole, then break up before placing in pot just like relationships)
- Feel free to substitute cheaper ingredients. It’ll taste great, I promise. But will it be an elevated dessert experience? NO
- Place all ingredients except pears into a large pot and bring to simmer
- Peel pears, coring the top and bottom
- Reduce pot to the point where it barely simmers, then adjust heat down in the smallest increment possible
- Cook pears for ~ 30 minutes to 1 hour (depending on starting firmness), turning every ~ 10 minutes to ensure they cook evenly (don’t get mushy on me)
- Place pears in a smaller bowl and pour in liquid, ensuring they are fully covered. Refrigerate overnight
- Drain pears into liquid, then strain liquid back into pan and simmer
- Remove from heat before your mixture turns into a jelly, the goal is to be saucy here
- Sliced pear and sauce go on Pe-Yam! Cheesecake, but the sauce tastes great on…
Gramma Special
Pecan Praline styled New York Cheesecake. Details to come!
SO FLUFFY I’M GUNNA DIE!
Cheryl Special – Kentucky Straight Bourbon Pecan Praline Topping
(Some find this topping best on the ChocSpresso)
- ¾ C Packed Brown Sugar
- ½ C Heavy Cream
- 6 Tbsp Sugar
- ¼ C Maple Syrup
- ½ tsp Sea Salt
- Combine all ingredients in medium saucepan
- Heat, stirring fervently, until boil
- Boil for 1 minute {DO NOT STIR UPON PAIN OF DEATH}
- Remove from heat and add the following:
- ¼ C Bourbon (you should have at least this much left, I hope…)
- 1 ½ C Pecans (coarsely chopped, lovingly toasted 20 minutes ago)
- ½ tsp Vanilla Bean Paste, etc. etc. (it always ends at the beginning)
- Stir immediately. Stir before serving too, especially if you pour with a heavy hand.
Adapted from:
- http://userealbutter.com/2016/11/27/bourbon-vanilla-bean-paste-recipe/
- https://theheritagecook.com/gluten-free-classic-cheesecake-with-almond-crust-passitongf/
- https://food52.com/recipes/34397-quick-blueberry-jam
- https://www.artandthekitchen.com/tall-and-creamy-new-york-cheesecake/
- https://web.archive.org/web/20190429120943/thewellflouredkitchen.com/2016/11/30/espresso-cheesecake-hood-cream/
- https://web.archive.org/web/20190429120943/thewellflouredkitchen.com/2016/11/30/espresso-cheesecake-hood-cream/
- https://www.davidlebovitz.com/pumpkin-cheesecake-pecan-praline-sauce-recipe/
Short Link to my recipe: https://tinyurl.com/4ut9t5y8
Also…
Don’t forget to let your kids lick the spoons!
And of course… Bring all the flavors to the party!
Fin.