, , , , ,

Having a sense for the absurd, and of the inclination that you may as well, I thought I would share.

It was the fifth store I had visited. My eyes were just above my toes and miles away as I reconciled my mind to the inevitable outcome of this quest. Without guidance my feet carried me into the building, arms recalling their necessary employment just in time. In limbo, disdaining even to observe the multitude of lead filled trinkets crying to be purchased, I thought about the possibilities of lunch. I agonized over the paltry bowl of grain with which I had broken my fast. I envisioned that, contrary to my presence here , it would be far more expedient had I currently been patronizing the place that I soon would be wishing had been the place I had first visited. A cashier became available and my body was drawn forward by some law of physics or economics.
Determined that this time, it would not be I that was made to dance in jest with bells tied to my hair, I took fully thirty seconds to raise my eyes and cast the scornful glance of one who expects instant gratification upon a face that… Is it possible for a human to chew their cud? Having been faithfully informed that this time, they had what I was looking for, I simply smiled and waited for the yellow bearded, spittle catching dunderhead to open the box. Piece by wretched piece he pulled out trivial accessories as if to whet my appetite. Finally, and with great flourish, he presented me with the palm of his hand, upon which balanced a cylindrical rubber boot.
“No, sorry. That isn’t what I need. ”
“Yes, it is!” The self deception is strong with this one.
“You see, my problem is that the boot I am looking for splits in half. That is just a solid boot.”
“Now listen, I was told specifically you was looking for a boot. This is a boot.” You can imagine I watched as murky brown eyes slowly blinked in a head that was waiting for mine to light up in understanding.
Know your enemies or you will be imperiled in every battle. Flag lowered, I conceded that my business must be accomplished elsewhere. It was then that I saw this:


Today it is popular to remind people that it is okay to fail, as if most of them had any choice. I often find it necessary to remind myself that it is never acceptable to err when it is wholly within means to be irreprochable. A motto branded on my soul from the moment of birth, my nature has always been such that I cringe at the thought of allowing another sentient being to continue in the purgatorial existence of perpetuating an acknowledged falsehood, and, it must be clear, I needed no source other than the one between my ears to suspect that our dear German physicist said nothing of the sort. Despite this absolute certainty, I took an entire five hundredths of a second to ensure complete veracity.
“I’m fairly certain Einstein said nothing of the sort,” were the words that came out as I looked up from my tablet, considering the absurdity of the man synonymous with genius wasting breath by decrying the paradigm shift which must occur after every new pandemic of information.
Eyes locked for a second time, the cashier responded, “Yea, whatever.”


Extracurricular reading: